Breaking the Cycle: Parenting With Intention

So many of my clients here in DC who have or are considering children share with me one of their deepest internal fears: “I don’t want to pass this on.” This can inspire people to find the courage to seek therapy, to finally address intergenerational patterns for the benefit of their future children.

Whether they grew up with neglect, unpredictability, or parents who struggled to meet their emotional needs, they often find themselves parenting from a place of guilt and self-doubt (and of course, exhaustion).

Becoming a parent can stir up so much. Old rage, buried anxiety, and deeply rooted pressure to be perfect. I know this personally as I’m a parent, and hoo boy do I understand how easy it is to react from a triggered place when you’re sleep-deprived, touched out, or overwhelmed.

I work with parents and future parents who are committed to doing things differently, even when they’re not sure exactly how. In therapy, we explore what relationships shaped you, what patterns still show up under stress, and what you might need to parent from a more grounded, regulated place. Not a perfect place, just one rooted in awareness, intention, compassion, and healthy boundaries.

A few reminders if you’re trying to break generational cycles:

• Pause before reacting. A few slow breaths can help shift you out of reactivity and back into connection.

• Repair matters more than perfection. It’s not about never messing up, it’s about being willing to come back, reflect, and reconnect.

• You’re allowed to have needs. Meeting your own emotional and physical needs is not selfish. It’s foundational to showing up for your child.

• You don’t have to do it the way you were raised. And you don’t have to figure it all out alone.

Breaking the cycle is brave and it is so challenging. You should be proud of your curiosity and desire to make changes to be a better parent than the ones you had.